I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
