i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
