I wish I could teleport
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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