I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
