My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
