I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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