why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
barbara walters just said penis...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
