I feel great
I just peed on a car
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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