So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
