you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
