they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
