Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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