so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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