I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
