I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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