shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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