last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
