Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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