my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
