How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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