Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
ttyl tear gas
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
