I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
