OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
