Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
