Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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