hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
