that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
