So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
