we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
