I puked a lego.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
