It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
