so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
