So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
