Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
