I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
