this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
