You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I have post one night stand depression
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