Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
