Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
