theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
