The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
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