please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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