here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
