It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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