I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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