at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
