Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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