Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't deserve a penis
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
