I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
