Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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