I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
