Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Holy shit dude........stairs
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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