I accidentally burped into my bong.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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