Kiss
Puke
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
